Needs a peabody

One of the greatest news parodies since the daily show.

Here's a Script for above commercial.
Legend: Visual ques will be in CAPS
Audio ques will be in Italics
Script/Voice overs in BOLD
SCENE #X:(Ysec-Zsec)

SCENE #1:(0seC-1SEC)
Static
Static

Scene #2:(1sec-10sec)
Brooker gives his introduction to the program and passes it off to himself.

Scene #3:(10sec-14sec)
B: “It starts here with a lackluster establishing shot of a significant location”

Scene #4:(14sec-30sec)
B: “Next a walky talky preamble from the orator pacing steadily toward the lens. Punctuating every other sentence with a hand gesture and ignoring all the pricks milling around him like he’s gliding through the fucking matrix. Before coming to a halt and posing a question. What comes next?”

Scene #5:(30sec-33sec)Transition to Six
B: “often something like this (describing the visual). Often a filler shot designed...

Scene #6:(33sec-36sec)Transition to seven
(shot discription
...designed to give your eyes something to look at while my voice babbles on about facts,...

Scene #7:(36sec-43sec)@37 stop motion grayscale
...sometime it will slow down to a halt turn monochrome and some of those facts will appear one by one on the screen."

Scene #8: (44sec-45sec)Swing cut to next scene
SIDE VIEW OF FAT WOMAN WITH HEAD CUT OUT BY TOP OF FRAME
B:"this is followed by the obligatory shots of overweight people...

Scene #9:(46sec-47sec)Swing cut to next scene
FAT WOMAN PARTIALLY BLOCKED BY A DIFFERENT PERSON
...with their faces subtly...

SCENE #10:(47sec-48sec)swing cut to next scene
FAT WOMAN WARING RED BLUE YELLOW SWEATER
...framed out...

Scene #11:(48sec-49sec)Swing to next scene
FAT WOMAN TEAL SWEATER WITH SKINNY WOMAN
...After which the report is...

SCENE #12:(49sec-50sec)Swing Cut to next scene
FOCUSED ON GROUND BEHIND FAT WOMAN
...is padded out with some lazy and pointless...


SCENE #13:(51sec-52sec)Cut to next scene
FOCUSED ON PEOPLES LEGS WALKING ON THE STREET
...Vox Pox."

SCENE #14:(52sec-56sec)Cut to next scene
CLOSE UP 2-3FEET FROM RANDOM YOUNG MAN
sounds of the street(walking)
Random young Man: “Uhhhh sometimes we get inane chatter from people.”

Scene #15:(56sec-60sec)Cut to next scene
CLOSE UP OF WOMAN 2-3 FEET AWAY
Sounds of street(walking)
Random Women: “ I think they do have too much I think what we want to here is actually what’s happening not what other people think of it.”

Scene #16:(61sec-69sec)Cut to next scene
CLOSE UP OF OLD MAN 2-3 FEET AWAY CROWD IN BACKGROUND
Sounds of street(walking)
Random Old Man: “I hate these sound bites I don’t want someone’s opinion *muttering* No! (make him hard to understand).”

Scene #17:(69sec-71sec)
PEOPLE WALKING WITH OVERLAY OF PEOPLE WALKING SPED UP
B: "Another bit of dull visual abstraction to plug another gap before the...

Scene #18:(72-74sec)
HAND PUSHES CROSSWALK BUTTON "WAIT APPEARS"
...report segways gracefully into a bit of human interest"

SCENE #19:(75SEC-80sec)
SOME DOWERYMAN OPENING LETTERS IN HIS KITCHEN
...courtesy of some dowdy man opening letters in a kitchen and explaining how he has been effected by the issue."

Scene #20:(80sec-90SEC)
CLOSE UP FOR DOWDY MAN TALK ABOUT THE NEWS
DW:DM: “When I am watching the news I don’t really, you know there is a person talking to me telling me what’s going on and I don’t really listen to what they're saying, it’s just news. It’s just news.”

Scene #21: (90sec-93SEC)zooom in to next shot
AN ANIMATED GRAPH DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING
B: "He was unfortunately was boring so to wake you up this is an animated chart...

SCENE #22: (93SEC-96SEC)
FADE GRAPH WHILE ZOOM IN ON BLACK SILHOUETTED FAMILY (KEEP ZOOMING FAMILY THROUGH
...This is an silhouette representing the average family...

SCENE #23: (96SEC-99SEC)
ANIMATED LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER GET HIS HEAD CUT OFF BY A LASER BEAM.
...and this is a light house keeper getting beheaded by a laser beam."

SCENE #24:(100SEC-100SEC)
2 GIRLS LOOK AT A PICTURE ON THEIR CAMERA
B:"As we near the end of the report ...

SCENE #25:(101SEC-101SEC)
ASIAN WOMAN TAKING A PICTURE
...there are illustrative shots...

SCENE #26:(101SEC-102SEC)
PEDESTRIANS CROSSING THE STREET
...of pedestrians...

SCENE #27:(103sec-104sec)
A CLOSE UP OF A SIGN
...and signs...

SCENE #28:(104SEC-104SEC)
A SHOT OF A PIPE OUT A WINDOW
...and a pipe at a window."

SCENE 29:(104SEC-111SEC)
A SEMI CLOSE UP FOR CHARLIE BROOKER GIVING HIS SIGN OFF
SOUND OF STREET
B: "Then the final summery ending on a whimsical shot of something near accompanied by a rye sign off."

SCENE 30:(111SEC-119SEC)
SHIFTING UP TOWARD A SIGN ON A BUILDING SIGN FOR REGENT STREET
B: If you’re lucky a bit of word play fit for a king or in other words a Regents treat.Charlie Brooker Newswipe London"